She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
