Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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