I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
