Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
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I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
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I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him