Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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