she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
