you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize