Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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