Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
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When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
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You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
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