i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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