when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?