I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders