I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants