She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.