Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
