i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
