my sisters under your porch take her home
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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