this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
