just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
