The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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