ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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