Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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