His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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