Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
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