I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
