i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
