I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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