tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
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it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
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i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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