i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
