I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
