Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
