Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
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do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
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The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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