at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
