Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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