Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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