dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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