the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The Olympian is in my bed
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize