somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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