We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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