I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It's official drugs can't kill me
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
