I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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