But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!