I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE