You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
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sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
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I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis