What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
