I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
She said her name was "party"
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
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I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
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He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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