How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
