My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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