I just cut my nipple shaving
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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