I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
