but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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