i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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