So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
