How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
