East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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