; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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