thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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